Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
