You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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