I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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