I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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