Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
