a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
