im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
