Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
