It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
