I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
