i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
