I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
