Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
