I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize