This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
