....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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