im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
