Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
