the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
