My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize