u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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