I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
