my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
