Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
