I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
