Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
