Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
