My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
