My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
