we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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