No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
