not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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