I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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