Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Me too. Send a cab. Order food.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

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(915): View more from Texas

do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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(443): View more from Maryland

There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid

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(708): View more from Illinois

And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background

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(716): View more from New York

I was doing good, then they gave me free shots

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