im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
