yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
