This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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