So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
