All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
