We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
