call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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