so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize