can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize