I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
