Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
