So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize