It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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