Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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