Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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