38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude. I can hear the air.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
