dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize