The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
