"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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