It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
