Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
