After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize