Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
