She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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