My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize