i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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