you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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