and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
