I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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