and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize