how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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