Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize