Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
