you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize