Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
