THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
did i walk over a car last night?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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