I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
