my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found the puke drawer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
