They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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