I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
