ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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