Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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