I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
