I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
