i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
