Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
