Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize