I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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