I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
