Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
